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We Have Won the Lottery
We are having another baby. My husband and I hugged tightly and danced around the bathroom when two pink stripes surfaced on the pregnancy test. Although it’s baby number six, it still feels more exciting than if we had won the lottery. Having seen our other newborns grow into interesting, beautiful people that we are honored to care for, we are confident that this alien-shaped fetus in my belly will one day become just as lively and part of our family’s story. However, the celebration was immediately dampened by a stomach bug for the ages. In symphonic harmony, we all turned green at the same time. Our living room transformed…
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Food Stamps
*This post is different than most of the others. I wrote it while Micah was in school a few years back. Yes, I was that pregnant lady eating a corn dog with her kids down the aisles of the grocery store with a wallet full of coupons.* A pony-tailed girl with a half-eaten corn dog pulled the cart parallel to the cashier. “You must be mama’s big helper,” the cashier cooed as she took in the cartload of two toddlers and an infant car seat besides. “I just love babies. I wouldn’t have time for any myself, working and all, but I do admire you!” she winked at the mother,…
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Life Beyond Mr. Rochester
I read novels penned by the Bronte sisters for similar reasons people might polar dip in icy waters. There’s a shock in both that alerts the senses. When I read these classics, I’m reminded that my generational mantra which says I deserve to do what feels best for me is not the only option I have. Without a doubt, this idea is appealing and I indulge. I spend too much, inhale chicken pad thai, and drop friends that take more than give. We leave our spouses when the feelings fade, numb out to Netflix, and laugh away our lack of discipline with a personality number. Commercials say we deserve it,…
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Wealthy One
I married a man with mirth in his eyes, an appetite to learn, and the energy to accomplish great things. He brightens my shadowy moods and recites truths over our children, causing them to grow like dandelions. Lucy Jill was the first to enter my arms, and her sensitive nature connected with my own like superglue. The merciful heart planted inside of her bleeds easily. She sees the hurting quickly, quietly, and extends to them whatever is at her disposal. I smile when I catch her bent over her hundredth journal, the contents revealing a soul swimming in deep waters. Moses Carver is my sunny boy with the laugh. You…
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Snow Globe Village
Christmas is six days away. My kids remind me of this when they wake, over bowls of oatmeal, and mid-schoolwork. They stop whatever they are doing and look at me seriously with saucer-shaped eyeballs and say, “Six days, Mom.” Just in case I had forgotten their past five announcements. It feels good to anticipate. And anticipating with children makes the wait pure gold. We anticipate by rolling out gingerbread men and icing their too often decapitated bodies. We wear fat wool socks and Youtube our computer screens into fireplaces with life-like crackling sound effects. We cry like babies watching Little Women and look forward to the chocolate treat that comes…
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Hooks
I hear you hiss that there’s nothing ahead of me but a red face and isolation. My efforts, pathetic. My brain, not fit for the task. I try to shake off the slithery voice, but it makes its way into the chambers of my heart and inserts its hooks. A shot of piercing pain courses through my blood and I begin to shrink into a suffocatingly small world. Words and looks, once a neutral shade, have turned a devilish hue. I begin to unwind, like a ball of yarn. All that I knew to be true now feels elusive, the whim of an optimistic fool. There seems to be no…
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Paradise
Our visas were near expiring, and due to a world climate of COVID, an island in the Indian Ocean was one of the rare places with open doors. So, our family packed our untouched swimsuits and made way for the airport in a neighboring state. We swallowed motion sickness pills for the mountains we would spiral in our area, and muffins and toilet paper for the next state, which lacked any inviting restaurant or toilet. Surviving the sickening curves without vomiting, we felt ready to dream of what island life might entail. We talked of sea animals and salty water, while nibbling on chips, biscuits, and a newspaper wrapped bundle…
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Jungle Hawk
In college, a literature professor said that laughter opens the mouth to receive truth. There is something about a good laugh that can bring down walls and clear the fog. Not all laughter is the same, or even good. But the best of laughs work powerfully. That release of breath in a million happy ripples has taken down prideful crevices in my heart seamlessly. Like the smooth cut of a knife, laughter has dislodged thoughts of self-sufficiency and perfection. A Bible study leader once said that often we act like a worm inside a jar full of hundreds of other worms. This worm has made it to the top of…
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As Brave as a Bunny
We own a bunny colored like an Oreo. He hops around a pink cage, finishes our broccoli stems, and receives fresh water every hour (on hot days with ice) because he has five admirers that adore every fuzzy facet of him. Perhaps that’s why we started listening as a family to The Green Ember, an adventure story about bunnies with swords. In the very beginning, one young rabbit called Picket encounters danger. In the face of it, to his humiliation, he faints. After the matter, he talks to his father about what happened and the wise, older bunny comforts him with kind, sympathetic words. He says that this fainting is…
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Something To Take Hold Of
Today is Saturday. Olive is crying with fantastic two-year-old volume and I’m not ready to begin this supposed day off with five underfoot and this heart that is bleeding. I read the Word, stomach lurching, and scribbled down a tragic prayer. Messy handwriting, short, bullet-like complaints, signing off with HELP ME in angry caps. The ink smears from the tears that have been leaking since the goodbyes began. Because I married well, my husband took one look at my pale face and sent me to the office while he took charge of diaper changes, stirring oatmeal, and sorting through the meltdowns coming in hot and fast by 7am. Pulling fat…