Technology in the Family

Technology is a shining sword that will slay us if we don’t know how to handle it. Only a fool wields a weapon without the know-how. The instruction our children need most is not found inside schools or peer groups. Parents are the God-given gatekeepers to guide kids into proper technology use, if we want the next generation to advance without injury. 

Gatekeepers are not trending. It’s clear at the playground that child and parent roles often play in reverse. The kids call the shots and scream when they don’t get their way. I know from experience how lame and powerless I feel when I cannot get my toddler off the swingset without the promise of ice cream or Bluey. 

If we lose the authority to speak into our kids’ lives, we put them at risk. To hand them an iPad while closing their bedroom door is like dropping them into a buzzing metropolis without map or instruction. The hours they spend discovering that city aren’t neutral, but will play directly into who they become. A wise man once said that, “A man without self-control is like a city broken  into and left without walls” (Prov 25:28). 

Technology is a diamond with plenty of attractive angles; it’s no wonder we’re drawn to it like the fly orbiting a light bulb. The world is obsessed to the point that we give six hours and forty minutes of our days to screens on average. If those hours birthed things like joy, thankfulness, creativity, and love, then by all means, let’s join another social media platform. The instagram photos we drool over disguise the reality that one in three young adults this past year have experienced a mental, behavioral, or emotional health issue. 

Home is designed to be the place lessons are caught, not merely taught. Daniel J. Siegel found that as children develop, their brains “mirror” their parent’s brains. If we don’t take deep breaths offline, neither will they. The great outdoors or a good novel is a hard sell when they see us cradling phones and scrolling news feeds.

Our kids are humans like us. They crave belonging, chase happiness, ache for beauty, and harbor loneliness- even if they can’t put words to their desires. C.S. Lewis famously said, “If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world.” 

We must lead our kids to better pastures than the life lived online or else our family will be stuck zombie-staring at Amazon with bleeding hearts and throbbing desires. We won’t find what we’re looking for, and we’ll lead our kids into the same trap. 

No parent is daydreaming about how to trap their children, but where we spend our attention matters. John Mark Comer says, “Attention is the beginning of devotion.” And devotion preaches wordless sermons on what is most important all the time. Louisa May Alcott says in Little Men, “It takes so little to make a child happy, that it is a pity in a world full of sunshine and pleasant things, that there should be any wistful faces, empty hands, or lonely little hearts.” 

Facing our unhealthy devotion to technology doesn’t mean we have to throw our smart phone in the garbage and move to the country to plant gardens and collect cage-free eggs minus wifi. No need to become what David Wells calls “digital monks.” 

Instead, let’s show our kids the best technology has to offer. Dance as a family to your favorite Spotify playlists and video chat with far away friends. Download apps that make lego movies and give names to the toadstool growing in your backyard. Let your middle schoolers fall asleep to the kind of literature that lasts on their Kindle. Advancements in technology can be magical. 

But only magical when used as a tool and not a drug of choice.

While social media tells you life is measured by your personal appeal and involvements,  Jesus says life is better measured by how we love God and others (Matt 22:37-39). And love takes time. The expensive kind of time that makes you wonder if it’s worth it. We have the honor of telling our kids that laying down your life for a friend is worth the unplugging of all distractions.

So wear the sword of technology and enjoy it. Slide the blade into its sheath around your child’s chest with care. And then go outside and relish God’s sensational world, introducing your kids to realities that outlast any tweet or text.